Did I Rush Into My Marriage?

Moving in together so quickly was like a crash-course in learning to be in love.

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Last week was the 2 year anniversary of my first date with Roni, my husband. It got me thinking: Is that it? Is that all the time we’ve spent together? 730 days? It just doesn’t feel like it’s enough time for us to have accomplished all that we have with our relationship. We were officially dating 3 weeks later, by late September we had moved in and by the next February we were engaged. All in a little over six months. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, did I rush into my marriage?10858396_10155580714775277_3942142942494212783_n I don’t feel like anything was forced or hurried along by either party. The truth is he pursued me with a lot of gusto, and when I realised that this was what I really wanted, that he was what I really wanted I reciprocated by asking him to move in with me, after less than a month of dating. That’s just how things worked out for us. There are couples who I know who have been together for over 2 years, some even longer, and there is no way in hell they are ready to be married. I can say with 100% certainty that 6 months into the relationship, we knew each other far better than some couples who have been together for years. Moving in together so quickly was like a crash-course in learning to be in love.

I have never known anyone as well as I know him. And in some ways, I think I know him better than I know myself. While I am still trying to figure out who I am, he is a constant. And even though I feel like I am constantly changing, he knows the things that will never change about me. All the little details that are embedded in my DNA and can’t be scrubbed out. These are the things that we discovered within those six months. Spending day in, day out together.11052514_738103006287275_4077121442742258273_n That’s not to say it was all a walk in the park! I learnt very early on that he hates housework and he learnt that I am a bit of a neat freak. There were days when I wanted to smash all the dirty dishes on the floor because of the mess, and he would simply add to it and walk away to get back at me for being too controlling. It was a passive-aggressive mess! It’s funny to look back now, because we have both become so different. He has grown into his househusband role and I’ve definitely stopped sweating over the little things. Well, I’m probably still a control freak, but I definitely think I’ve gotten better!

The challenges we faced living together weren’t something that happened because we were too hasty with our living arrangements, though. On the contrary, I’m glad that we were able to see what the other person is like when they are in their natural habitat. It meant there would be no surprises later on. Also, because we were still in that honeymoon phase where you can’t stay mad at each other for too long, it meant we were able to end the fights a lot sooner. Now we are both stubborn and our pride gets in the way, so the silent treatment can be dragged out longer than it has to! 1393442_10154928756070277_744583811687212607_nSometimes I wonder what it would have been like if we had taken it slow. At the time, it just didn’t seem like an option. And even looking back two years later I don’t think I could have done anything differently. Even if I wanted to. I know it probably sounds a little juvenile or naive but it’s the God’s honest truth. It felt out of my control. And the moments when I did have my doubts or I stopped to think about whether it was the right thing or not were so short-lived. The more time I spent with him, the more I looked forward to spending MORE time with him.

Did I rush into my marriage? The honest answer is no. And the only reason I contemplate it is because society has taught me to feel this way at times. The occasional shocked expression from people when I tell them how long we have been together, or if I run into someone who I haven’t seen in 3 years. I guess our timetable just didn’t follow normal, social standards. Probably because we were leading with our hearts instead of our brains! I’m not saying it’s this way for everyone, or that it’s necessarily the best way to get into such a serious, lifelong commitment, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Because we have hit so many milestones so early on, it just means that we have more time to discover new ones!

Author: Matt Melo

Welcome to the neighborhood! Check out my blog for more info: www.pinksuburbia.com

11 thoughts on “Did I Rush Into My Marriage?”

  1. If I may, I think it’s significant that you’ve worked out that relationships are all about negotiation and that the small things aren’t worth sweating over. I wish you both a long and happy marriage!

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  2. If I was your mum, I would pull the old lady card and say six months isn’t long enough to know. It’s in the basic “Being a Mum” contract. That’s the line you are getting from society. Based on collective experience, for many people, six months isn’t long enough. For some people, six years isn’t long enough either. BUT…for some people, their souls just ZING!! The connection is there and powerful and so very real. It sounds like you were one of those fortunate couples.
    Most couples break up over things like money,fidelity and, yes, housekeeping. All of these issues are kept at bay during the dating, engagement, even living together period. Marriage brings expectations about pooling resources and exclusivity.
    Whether you date for 2 months or 10 years, that ceremony and piece of paper does change certain expectations. You’ve jumped that hurdle. You both are growing within the same circle of expectations. It’s never a perfect bed of roses. It’s hard work some days. That’s why they call it “working it out”.

    The most important opinion, however, is your own. You’ve summed it it perfectly. “The more time I spent with him, the more I looked forward to spending MORE time with him.”

    Congratulations on finding your Zing! ( Now I want to watch Hotel Transylvania again)

    Love, Memy

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    1. When I started reading your comment I thought I was going to be told off! BUT… I’m glad it went the other way! Completely agree with your view, as I’ve said, 6 months is not necessarily right for everyone, it just worked out for me (luckily!). That’s not to say it doesn’t have it’s challenges, but that’s what marriage is, a constant effort to maintain the same expectations and goals (as well as all the lovey dovey stuff!) Thanks for your comment 🙂

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  3. I have been married three times, Matt. The first time it was to someone I had known for three years, and was planned and anticipated. We had an-old fashioned relationship (even though it was 1977) where I was the man, and she did all the housework. Doomed to fail, in the progressive late 70s. It lasted eight years, before she sensibly called it a day.

    The next time, we were only together seven months before getting married. We were both ‘older’ (37/35) so considered ourselves mature enough to get on with it. I had learned my lesson, and did housework, cooking, and shopping. She let me do that, quite happily. Another eight years, then that time I called it a day.

    Married now to Julie, six years next week. We have been together for fifteen years though, so ironed out all the little things before settling down. The truth is, as long as you have the right person, it doesn’t matter how long you have known each other. It is essentially about compromise. Doing things for someone else, when you don’t feel like doing them, because deep down, you love them and care for them. Nobody ever said it was easy.

    Best wishes to you both. Pete.

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