Last week was the 2 year anniversary of my first date with Roni, my husband. It got me thinking: Is that it? Is that all the time we’ve spent together? 730 days? It just doesn’t feel like it’s enough time for us to have accomplished all that we have with our relationship. We were officially dating 3 weeks later, by late September we had moved in and by the next February we were engaged. All in a little over six months. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, did I rush into my marriage? I don’t feel like anything was forced or hurried along by either party. The truth is he pursued me with a lot of gusto, and when I realised that this was what I really wanted, that he was what I really wanted I reciprocated by asking him to move in with me, after less than a month of dating. That’s just how things worked out for us. There are couples who I know who have been together for over 2 years, some even longer, and there is no way in hell they are ready to be married. I can say with 100% certainty that 6 months into the relationship, we knew each other far better than some couples who have been together for years. Moving in together so quickly was like a crash-course in learning to be in love.
I have never known anyone as well as I know him. And in some ways, I think I know him better than I know myself. While I am still trying to figure out who I am, he is a constant. And even though I feel like I am constantly changing, he knows the things that will never change about me. All the little details that are embedded in my DNA and can’t be scrubbed out. These are the things that we discovered within those six months. Spending day in, day out together. That’s not to say it was all a walk in the park! I learnt very early on that he hates housework and he learnt that I am a bit of a neat freak. There were days when I wanted to smash all the dirty dishes on the floor because of the mess, and he would simply add to it and walk away to get back at me for being too controlling. It was a passive-aggressive mess! It’s funny to look back now, because we have both become so different. He has grown into his househusband role and I’ve definitely stopped sweating over the little things. Well, I’m probably still a control freak, but I definitely think I’ve gotten better!
The challenges we faced living together weren’t something that happened because we were too hasty with our living arrangements, though. On the contrary, I’m glad that we were able to see what the other person is like when they are in their natural habitat. It meant there would be no surprises later on. Also, because we were still in that honeymoon phase where you can’t stay mad at each other for too long, it meant we were able to end the fights a lot sooner. Now we are both stubborn and our pride gets in the way, so the silent treatment can be dragged out longer than it has to! Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if we had taken it slow. At the time, it just didn’t seem like an option. And even looking back two years later I don’t think I could have done anything differently. Even if I wanted to. I know it probably sounds a little juvenile or naive but it’s the God’s honest truth. It felt out of my control. And the moments when I did have my doubts or I stopped to think about whether it was the right thing or not were so short-lived. The more time I spent with him, the more I looked forward to spending MORE time with him.
Did I rush into my marriage? The honest answer is no. And the only reason I contemplate it is because society has taught me to feel this way at times. The occasional shocked expression from people when I tell them how long we have been together, or if I run into someone who I haven’t seen in 3 years. I guess our timetable just didn’t follow normal, social standards. Probably because we were leading with our hearts instead of our brains! I’m not saying it’s this way for everyone, or that it’s necessarily the best way to get into such a serious, lifelong commitment, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Because we have hit so many milestones so early on, it just means that we have more time to discover new ones!